so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize