Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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