Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ladies don't puke and tell
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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