we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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