First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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