4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize