good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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