I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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