The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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