someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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