do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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