just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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