My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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