Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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