There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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