I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize