so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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