I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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