Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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