Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize