I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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