someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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