I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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