once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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