there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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