I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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