P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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