I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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