stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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