Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize