I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize