how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize