Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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