Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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