Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize