420 ftw
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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