Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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