It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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