Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Life is so much better after having sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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