He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I AM VODKA MAN
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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