hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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