and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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