I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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