I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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