don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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