Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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