Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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