Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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