I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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