I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize